Even if we didn’t have countless studies to back this up, most of us would know that the way we were cared for early in our lives affects us. You might blame or thank your early caregivers (e.g. parents, teachers) for habits and behaviors that you still have today. 

Still, though, researchers have wondered: how does early care specifically affect us throughout our lives? There have been plenty of studies, but one of the most notable was the Strange Situation Procedure (SSP), which measured child-parent attachment. 

Born from the results of that study, many mental health experts today now refer to four different attachment styles. Attachment theory is used to help explain relationship dynamics between humans. To help you learn a little bit about attachment theory and how it might apply to your own life, let’s look at those four styles today. 

Secure attachment

In the SSP study, babies exhibited secure attachment when they were upset when a parent left the room, but relatively easily comforted once the parent returned. 

Studies show this is the most common attachment style, and that’s great because this attachment type supports healthy long-term relationships. A secure attachment style helps you communicate your emotions, trust people, and maintain emotional availability to them. It also helps with your own self-esteem and ability to accurately self-reflect. 

Anxious attachment

Babies in the SSP study with this attachment style got upset when the parent left, just like infants with secure attachment styles. But when the parent returned, they were hard to comfort. This style is also called preoccupied or anxious-ambivalent attachment. 

Inconsistency in early-life caregiving often contributes to this attachment style, which affects roughly 19% of people. In adulthood, it can make you more dependent — even clingy — on your partner, friends, and family. You might have a fear of abandonment or rejection and struggle with low self-esteem. 

Avoidant attachment

Also called dismissive or anxious-avoidant, this attachment style was characterized by babies who didn’t react much or at all when the parent left. 

People may develop this attachment style because they had early-in-life caregivers who were distant, strict, or not around often. Around 23% of the population has this attachment style. 

Avoidant attachment often makes you feel independent and comfortable spending time alone, but potentially at the risk of your relationships. You might avoid emotional and physical closeness, dismiss others easily, and have a hard time communicating what you’re feeling. People who avoid commitment often have this kind of attachment style. 

Disorganized attachment

When babies had erratic reactions to the parent leaving — like freezing or hitting their heads on the ground — researchers put them in the disorganized attachment category. Also called fearful-avoidant, this is the rarest style, but not by much. Studies show that roughly 18% of people have a disorganized attachment style. 

Traumatic experience(s) or fear in your childhood often contribute to this kind of attachment. Neglect and abuse often play a role. 

In adulthood, this can manifest as a blend of anxious and avoidant attachment. You might feel clingy, then push the person away. Regulating your emotions may feel difficult, and you could struggle to trust other people. 

If you want to dig in deeper here, we recommend this Psych Central article about attachment styles, the signs of each, and how they can affect your adult relationships. They also have a quiz you can take to get a clearer idea of your own style. 

Now, here’s the good news. It’s absolutely possible to change your attachment style. And therapy can play a huge role here. 

If you want to explore your own attachment style with a trained professional or you want tools to move toward a secure style, we’re here. Get in touch with us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.