Last week, we talked about how a child’s environment and relationships affect their development. Today, we want to stay in a similar vein. Instead of sharing how a child’s external world impacts them, though, we’re exploring how to help children make sense of their inner world. Specifically, let’s talk about teaching children about emotions.
We have a few categories parents and other caregivers can explore here.
Naming their emotions
Let us start with one of the most important steps in emotional regulation: we have to name it to tame it.
Kids feel the same emotions as adults, and they experience just as wide of a range of feelings. The trouble is that they often don’t have the vocabulary to explain those feelings. That might lead to them acting out (like throwing a toy they can’t figure out) as a way to express an emotion they can’t verbalize.
Building their vocabulary
If we want to teach children how to regulate their emotions, we have to help them build the vocabulary around identifying them. Look for ways to help your child develop an emotional vocabulary. When you’re reading a book together, for example, you might point to characters and ask your child how they’re feeling. If Little Red Riding Hood looks scared because she finds the Big Bad Wolf in her grandma’s house, for example, you can point to her and ask your child how you think she feels.
Integrating emotion-naming into their activities
You might also play a game where you make faces tied to certain emotions (e.g., sad, happy, angry, scared) and have your child guess them. Or you could use this printable card deck.
Sharing your own emotions
Children look to adults, especially their caregivers, for a roadmap. Identifying your emotions in front of the child is another helpful way to teach them about their own feelings. For example, you can find opportunities to say things like “I’m starting to feel frustrated” or “I feel really happy when..”
Ultimately, the more you look for ways to help your child learn how to name emotions, the more you give them ways to verbally express what they feel. This builds their emotional intelligence. And it helps them avoid the behavioral problems that crop up because they don’t know how else to get their feelings out.
Encouraging conversation about emotions
When you’re teaching children about emotions, their own feelings give you a powerful tool. Make it a point to regularly ask your kids how they’re feeling.
Once they start to have an easier time naming their emotions, dig deeper. Start inquiring about why they feel the way they feel.
As you talk about their emotions, let them know that it’s okay to feel however they’re feeling. Even “bad” emotions like anger or envy are part of the human experience — and are just as important as joy.
Teaching children about emotions gives you an opportunity to share that they can’t necessarily control what they feel. But they can control how they respond to that emotion. If they feel jealous of another kid at school, for example, you can teach them that it’s okay to feel that way, but being mean to the other child as a result is not.
Coping with uncomfortable emotions
As a parent or any other caregiver for a child, it’s tempting to want to soothe any negative emotion that comes up. Sometimes, though, it’s important to let your child sit with their uncomfortable emotions so they can learn to cope with them on their own. Working with them to explore self-soothing techniques like deep breathing or picturing a place they like can help.
If your child feels particularly emotionally charged, wait until they’re calm, then talk about that incident. Having them express what they were feeling and why helps them build emotional intelligence — and can encourage healthy responses to intense emotions in the future.
It’s important to start teaching children about emotions when they’re young and to continue that work as they get older. If you want help learning teaching techniques or navigating your child’s emotional responses, contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.
