Losing someone dear to you transforms your life overnight. Suddenly, the world you once knew feels like it no longer exists. As you navigate the days ahead, the pain might feel like it’s too much to bear.
Grief usually becomes less overwhelming with time as we learn to live with the sensation. That might give you some small measure of hope, but it still means it’s important to manage your way through to that point.
Our team of grief experts has a few tips that might help you move forward in your healing process while soothing some of the raw edges of your grief.
Acknowledge how you feel
Because the emotions that come up during grieving are often uncomfortable, you might feel a temptation to tamp them down or ignore them. But facing your feelings can help you make sense of them and start moving forward through them. We understand how immense this pain can become, so it’s fair to navigate this process at your own pace.
Be honest about how you’re feeling, both with yourself and with people who ask you. Don’t let anyone — including yourself — tell you that you should feel a certain way. Everyone grieves in their own unique way, and the healing process often isn’t linear. You might (read: probably will) have good days and bad days. Acknowledging how you feel in any given moment can help you take the best care of yourself as you navigate your grief.
Reach out to people you love
As news of your loss spreads, people will likely reach out and offer to help. When you feel like you need the support, take them up on it. Whether you let someone bring you a hot meal or you go to coffee with a friend, the support of your loved ones can be a balm when you need it most.
Even if people don’t offer their support, challenge yourself to ask for it. The people who are close to you will want to support you, but people often feel unsure of what you might be wanting and how to proceed. Many worry that they’ll make you hurt worse by reminding you of your loss.
Reach out and ask your loved ones for what you need.
Find a support group
While the people in your life will likely try their best to support you, they may have difficulty understanding what you’re going through. This misunderstanding can create difficulties in your overall motivation to continue addressing your grief. A grief support group gives you the opportunity to connect with others who can empathize with your current experience since they’re navigating the same feelings, too.
The grief support group provides a safe space to share what you’re feeling. And hearing about others’ experiences navigating grief might uncover some tools you can use for your own healing process.
The Human Services Agency offers grief support groups throughout Ventura County, and the LA Department of Mental Health has several groups linked on its grief resources webpage.
Lean into what makes you happy
When you’re coping with loss, the world can feel lifeless. You might feel like the color and flavor has been drained out of your experience.
To support your healing process, explore what can make you feel some semblance of happiness. If something can lift your mood for even a few minutes, it’s a useful tool to have in your arsenal right now.
Your hobbies are a great place to start, as are your closest friendships. This could be a good time to revisit media (e.g., books, movies, music) that you love. And sometimes, grief can look like not judging yourself for wanting to lay in bed and do nothing some days. With that in mind, it’s important to monitor how often you allow yourself to do so.
Once you’re past the initial impact of losing someone, you may begin to feel a sense of desire to get back to life’s normalcy. Doing this can be tough. People often feel a sense of loss of direction.
Here, setting some short-term goals can help. Think about something you’ve always wanted to do that you think you would enjoy. Working toward that might help you channel some of your emotion in a positive way.
Let yourself cry
Crying helps to regulate your emotions while releasing oxytocin and endorphins, delivering a mood boost and combating stress. In other words, if you feel like crying, don’t hold yourself back. Shedding those tears might help you feel better.
All of this said, if you don’t feel like crying, don’t worry. Plenty of people don’t cry as they cope with loss.
Talk to a therapist
The healing process looks different for everyone. Tips from this article, your support group, and resources you find online may help, but most people benefit from personalized support as they cope with loss.
A therapist comes alongside you in this difficult time. Not only do they provide a safe space to share what you’re feeling, but they can also help you build a toolbox full of resources you can tap as you’re ready to move forward in your healing process.
To get started with a therapist, contact whichever of our offices is closer to you. We have therapists who can help you cope with loss at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.
