When we talk about smarts, we’re all pretty much in agreement that there are multiple types. Some people shine with book smarts, while others are stronger in the area of street smarts. Clearly, there are different types of intelligence. And there’s one that we’re just starting to talk about: emotional intelligence.
Intelligence is the ability to learn and to apply that learning. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify what you and others are feeling and to apply that clarity to the situation you’re in. It’s not enough to just know that the person sitting across from you is sad. You only show true emotional intelligence when you use that knowledge to better your interaction with them (in this case, likely by being sensitive to their sadness). The pinnacle of emotional intelligence as it applies to other people is empathy.
Being emotionally intelligent means understanding your own emotions
Just identifying the emotions of others isn’t enough, either. A key component of emotional intelligence is understanding your own emotions and having a handle on the way they impact you. In fact, emotional awareness — or the ability to clearly identify what you’re feeling — is a foundational aspect of this intelligence.
Naming your emotions is a start, but people with strong emotional intelligence don’t stop there. They also control their emotions, harnessing them to their benefit and to the benefit of the people around them.
Let’s go back to the example of being with someone who feels sad. Part one of emotional intelligence is identifying emotions, both theirs (sadness) and however their sadness makes you feel. Let’s say that person’s sadness makes you feel down. Emotional intelligence makes you able to use that sadness in yourself to empathize with the person, possibly easing their pain in the process.
Greater emotional intelligence = a better life and a better world
When you can clearly identify what you and others are feeling, control your own emotions, and leverage all of that to improve your social interactions, you’re emotionally intelligent. Not only does this intelligence make your life easier by helping you have better interpersonal interactions, but it also improves the lives of others. Emotionally intelligent people who can tune into others and interact with them according to their most pressing emotions are best able to give people what they need when they need it.
Maybe the person you’re with needs someone to listen to them, cheer them on, or help them pick themselves off the ground. Whatever the case may be, interacting with an emotionally intelligent person has the potential to improve their day. And if we all improved each other’s days just a little bit, wouldn’t that improve the world?
How to grow your emotional intelligence
Sold? If you want to learn how to be emotionally smarter, here are some tips you can employ:
Stop giving your emotions so much credit: If we asked you if happiness was a good or bad emotion, you’d probably say, “Good.” But emotions aren’t positive or negative in and of themselves. Instead, the way we react to them is what creates good or bad experiences. Rather than judging your emotions, simply observe them. Know that your emotion isn’t negative — you just need to make sure your reaction because of the way you’re feeling isn’t, either.
Slow down: How often do you think you actively practice self-awareness? If you’re like most people, the answer is pretty much never. In our busy, hyper-stimulated world, it’s hard to tune out the noise and tune into our inner voice. Slowing down helps. Whether you try meditating, yoga, or just a long walk by yourself, look to add something to your regular routine that helps you hear your internal dialogue more clearly.
Pay attention: As you work to be more mindful of the way you’re feeling, try to stay present when you’re with others, too. Watch how the things you do and say make other people react. And, when you can, try to put yourself in their shoes and interact with them in a supportive, engaging way.
Emotional intelligence means listening to your inner voice. And that could mean interacting with some trauma from your past. If you’re finding it hard to be alone with your thoughts, we can help. The Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center has a bunch of mental health resources available to you. Get in touch with us today — let’s talk about it.
