Relationships will come up against roadblocks. Even if your dynamic with your partner feels easy all the time, the forces of the outside world and our unresolved inner conflicts can press in. It’s totally normal to go through difficult seasons as a couple.
Fortunately, you have options to get help. When you and your partner have exhausted your resources internally, your friends, family, and mentors can often offer advice and guidance.
At a certain point, though, you both might want something more structured. And you may want to be able to sit down with a completely unbiased third party. Or maybe you’re looking to stop unproductive patterns before they get worse. Someone who can offer you expert guidance and insights to help strengthen the foundation of your partnership. If that rings true for you, it might be time to explore couples counseling.
To give you an idea of what to expect, we’ve created this brief overview.
At your very first session
It can feel nerve-wracking to go into couples counseling together. Don’t worry. You’re not the first couple to feel this way and your therapist has loads of experience helping you and your partner ease in.
Your first visit will probably feel like a conversation. During that appointment, your therapist will make an effort to:
- Get to know you and your partner as individuals
- Learn about your relationship dynamic
- Surface the issues you want to address during counseling
- Observe your communication style with one another
- Set goals for your couples counseling
You should leave that appointment with a better idea of what to expect as you move through counseling together.
Couples counseling through the months
Couples counseling does not have to continue for your entire relationship. It’s often more goal-focused, and you can stop sessions once you and your partner agree that you have what you need.
That said, most couples don’t get the tools they need or resolve the problem at hand in a session or two. On average, couples attend at least 12 sessions of couples counseling, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. This number is influenced by a lot of factors and is only meant to provide an estimate. Some couples continue to seek out this support as life transitions occur and impact the relationship.
In most cases, you’ll see your counselor weekly or bi-weekly as you work toward your goal(s). The therapist may set up separate sessions to see you and your partner one-on-one, too.
The tools and communication styles you learn in your counseling sessions should help you and your partner long after you stop seeing your therapist. It’s the hope that these tools can integrate into your lifestyle. And if new issues do arise, you can always revisit couples counseling. Now that you know what to expect, we hope it can be a bit easier to ease in.
What to do if your partner isn’t willing
Couples counseling works best when both people are there working toward the same goal. But if your partner isn’t up for attending sessions, you can absolutely start on your own. Your therapist will still be able to help you develop tools and learn techniques that can help you in your relationship.
Try talking to your partner about the benefits of therapy and how you hope it can be used to make you closer. It’s important to acknowledge your partner’s discomforts and fears. We recommend you validate them, as opposed to trying to change their mind. This may help to ease the nerves if they know they’re allowed to feel however they feel before entering the process. Lastly, try letting your partner know that these nerves are normal and the therapist can help you both work through them before you start the therapeutic process.
Whether you want to start couples counseling with your partner or on your own, you can contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana to get started.
