When someone you care about is in a state of crisis, you want to help. The problem is that you might not know how. Whether they’re dealing with a serious bout of mental illness, grieving a major loss, or in another difficult situation, you might feel stuck not knowing what to do for them.
We can help. Our team of therapists regularly comes alongside people in difficult moments, so we’ve seen what tends to offer the needed support. Here are five things you can do for friends or family members in crisis.
#1: Ask them what they need
The best way to help your loved one involves an easy first step: ask them what they need.
Sometimes, they’ll know right away. Maybe they want to be distracted for a night so you take them to a movie. Maybe they’re exhausted so you come over one afternoon to watch the kids so they can nap.
All of this said, when you ask friends or family members in crisis what they need, they might not know immediately. It can be helpful to say, “I want to support you in this time. Over the next couple of days, if you come across anything you want or need, would you text me?”
#2: Provide for the basics
If your loved one can’t think of any way you can help, think about the kind of help you would want.
Maybe you drop off a hot meal off at their door, or bring them a coffee at work when you’re on your break. Maybe you walk their dog or offer to babysit for them.
Even if these acts of kindness aren’t fulfilling that person’s biggest need, they accomplish something huge: they show them that you care. And in a time of crisis, knowing you have people who love and support you can make a big difference. If you can help to take the pressure off some of these minor tasks, a little goes a long way.
#3: Choose your words carefully
When you’re talking with friends or family members in crisis, keep their level of sensitivity at the forefront of your mind. Managing this crisis probably means their bandwidth for making allowances is pretty small. As a result, you want to be careful with what you say. Choose your words so that they can’t be perceived as judgmental.
In fact, this is a great time to say less and practice active listening. Most people could use someone to lean on and hear them out much more than they could use advice. The best way to stay out of judgment is to stay in curiosity. Try asking questions to help understand what they might be going through, and give them the space to talk about it.
#4: Keep checking in
When the moment of crisis first hits, a lot of people might gather around. News like a serious diagnosis or major loss usually motivates folks to reach out.
But for many people dealing with crises, the hardest parts come weeks later as support thins.
Stay involved with your loved one. Make it a point to check in regularly to make sure they’re doing okay.
#5: Help them get help
You don’t have to be an expert to help friends or family members in crisis. But you can help to connect them to experts to get the support they need.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a good resource to help you get started here.
Specifically, you can help them get started with therapy. And that means they meet with someone who can help them build the tools and self-soothing practices they need.
If you want to talk with our team about how you can connect your loved one with therapy, contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.
