We’ve all felt guilty. Maybe you smashed a baseball through someone’s window as a kid, or maybe you forgot a friend’s birthday. Most humans experience that pit in their stomachs from time to time. In some contexts, guilt can be a healthy emotion. But it’s also an important one to monitor.
What is guilt?
Guilt is what we feel when we have the sense that we’re responsible for a negative outcome. Additionally, it can be understood as the feeling that tells us we may have done something against our own values. For instance, you might feel guilty for something you did on accident (backing into a neighbor’s tree) or on purpose (lying to get an outcome you want).
We experience guilt when we self-reflect. In fact, mental health professionals call it a self-conscious emotion. Usually, we experience it because we feel we did something unfortunate that resulted in harm to someone or something we value.
In this instance, guilt can be healthy and constructive. It might motivate us to repair or reconnect. While it isn’t a pleasant emotion, it can help to drive positive outcomes in our lives so it’s encouraged to be curious about the guilt when we feel it
There’s a fine line here, though. Guilt gives us the feeling that we’ve done something wrong. The self-judgment stops at the action. But this emotion can morph into shame, which makes us feel like as a result of the action, we’re “bad” people.
Because guilt stays focused on the incident inducing the emotion, it often motivates us to try and right the wrong. With shame, our negative self-judgment spreads, coloring our whole view of ourselves. This can cause insecurity and lead to withdrawal from the people in our lives because shame is the emotion that tells us “we are not good enough” — and this is where things become unproductive.
What we can do
As we mentioned, feeling guilty can be a tool for our own betterment. We can either use it as a vehicle for learning or as an indicator that we might want to repair something with someone. If you feel guilty for something you regret doing, get curious. That guilt makes you less likely to repeat the same pattern.
But if you feel a pervasive sense of guilt, something is probably amiss. Healthy guilt is felt in response to a specific situation. A chronic feeling of guiltiness that permeates your life is likely a symptom of something else. Anxiety disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression can all cause feelings of guilt.
If guilt plays a big, consistent role in your life, you should also evaluate where it’s coming from. Is it truly a result of self-reflection? Or is someone in your life regularly making you feel guilty (i.e., guilt-tripping you)? Are you guilty over something you could have done differently — or was the situation out of your hands? Survivors’ guilt can introduce this emotion in an unhealthy way.
Clearly, guilt is a complex emotion. As a response to something we wish we’d handled differently, it can be a healthy tool that helps us drive change. But if you feel guilty more often than not, something’s not right.
To explore the root cause(s) of why you feel guilty and to learn skills to prevent it from morphing into shame, get in touch. At the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center and the West Valley Counseling Center, our team of therapists can help you evaluate and navigate this complicated emotion.
