You want your loved ones to be happy and healthy. So learning your partner has a mental illness can feel devastating. But don’t fear. There are a lot of things you can do to support your partner with mental illness, your relationship, and yourself. We’ve rounded up some tips to help you be the best partner possible.
Do your homework.
There is a lot of stigma around mental illness. Don’t assume that you already know what your partner’s diagnosis means. You might think depression just means they’re sad, but it’s just a frequently characterized by a loss of interest in things they cared about before. You might assume that bipolar disorder means mood swings, but it’s important that you learn about the difference between manic and depressive episodes.
In short, start googling. Do some reading about your partner’s mental illness. Learning more about it will make it easier for you to support them and will make you a better listener when they talk about
Listen.
It sounds simple. Almost too simple. But your partner with mental illness has probably been suffering in silence for a long time. Just giving them a safe space to talk about what they’re feeling can be transformative, both for them and for you.
When you’re better able to understand their challenges because you’re hearing them first-hand, you get a leg up on being a helpful partner. You might learn that certain situations feel overwhelming for your partner. Then, you’ll know to support them there. Or you might find out that something you’ve been doing has been hurting them. You’ll learn a lot when you create a space for your partner to talk.
Leave some space.
It’s tempting to want to be with your partner all the time. You want to help, after all. But your partner with mental illness might need some breathing room, from both you and social interactions in general. This isn’t personal; it’s just what they need right now.
It can be helpful to create a phrase that your partner can use when they need space. Having a set terminology can make it easier for them to ask for alone time when they need it without feeling like they’re going to hurt your feelings. It can also be helpful to have something they can use when you’re in a social setting and they need to leave.
Take care of your relationship.
Your partner is living with mental illness. It can feel all-consuming for them, and you feel that, too. But it’s important that you don’t let the diagnosis take over your life. When your partner feels up to it, continue to do the things you used to love doing together.
You can even scale your activities to your partner’s energy and social levels. If you love hiking together, try going for a short and scenic walk. If you always went to the movies on the weekends, drop by the theater to buy some popcorn and candy. Bring it home, dim the lights, and rent one of the blockbusters you’ve been dying to see. Look for ways to keep your traditions and interests alive so your relationship doesn’t fall by the wayside.
Take care of yourself.
As you most likely already know, having a partner with mental illness isn’t easy. As you work to help your partner, don’t forget to help yourself. Make time for self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so make sure you’re filling yourself up and getting what you need to be your best self for your partner.
You’re not in this alone. Our team at Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center is here to offer you support and resources. Whether you want to explore couples therapy, come to yoga to de-stress, or are looking for reading recommendations, we’re here. Contact us today!
