Relocating can be equal parts exciting and terrifying. Your new locale opens up tons of new opportunities. You might get into a hobby you didn’t have access to before (like surfing if you just moved to Ventura). You might discover your new favorite restaurant, hike, or bookstore. It’s a major life transition and it can bring tons of fresh, energizing things your way.
But moving can also be extremely lonely. And the thought of meeting new people can often feel intimidating. You’ve just physically distanced yourself from the network of friends, neighbors, and anyone else you knew in your old city or town. And to make matters worse, Americans are already dealing with a loneliness epidemic.
We don’t say this to bring you down. We’re putting all of this out there for two reasons. First, if you just moved and you’re feeling lonely, you’re certainly not alone. Secondly, there are some things you can do to help yourself with building new relationships. Here are a few tips to get you started.
#1: Make your move loud
If you use social media — whether that’s TikTok, Instagram, or LinkedIn — consider posting about your move. This accomplishes three things. First, it might connect you to people who already live where you’re headed. They’re prime candidates for new friends, and they might have some tips to help you explore your new city.
Secondly, it tells people in your network about your move. Even if they aren’t located where you’re headed, they may know someone who is. Consider including something in your post like, “If you know anyone in [New City], I’d love to pick their brain about living there!” You never know what these early feelers could turn into. And building relationships with friends of friends is often a little bit easier than getting to know a total stranger.
Lastly, it helps you to practice potentially going out of your comfort zone. Feeling comfortable with some level of self-exposure will be necessary when it comes to cultivating new relationships. Testing this out online, before in person, can often feel a bit safer. It could be the first step in “putting yourself out there”. It also helps you determine what about this step activates fear — take that part to your therapist!
#2: Pursue your passions
What do you love doing? What lights you up? Find ways to do those things in your new city.
Local parks and rec might host an adult pickleball league, or there may be an art studio that holds an artist’s night. You could seek out a running group or a book club. Local volunteer opportunities can help you plug in, learn about your new community, and potentially make friends.
Going to events centered around what you love puts you in the direct path of people who have the same interests as you. When you show up to events, you’ll probably be nervous — that’s normal! You don’t have to say or do much. Just showing up is a great first step toward building relationships.
That said, if the opportunity arises, let people know you’re new to the area. Some people will jump at the chance to show a new resident what they love about where they live, especially when it relates to a hobby you’ve already shown interest in. Trust yourself. It’s usually the anticipation of things like this that causes the most fear. Once we’re doing it, we usually handle it better than we anticipated.
#3: Get to know your neighbors
Even though it might feel awkward, once you work up the courage, say hi to your neighbors and tell them you’re new to the area. You could wait until your paths naturally cross or simply knock on their door.
Best case scenario: you’ll meet someone who’s friendly and things can progress naturally from there. Even if you don’t make any friends, though, knowing your neighbors can help you feel safer and more rooted in your new spot. And it gives you people to make casual conversation with on days you might feel particularly lonely.
More tips and support
These are a few ideas to get you started. Community is so crucial for maintaining a strong sense of well-being. Stay connected to this incentive if you struggle to motivate yourself to meet new people. The reward is often worth the risk in this case.
If you want to explore even more opportunities for building relationships in your new home, this article has some great ideas.
Our tips and a lot of other recommendations require you to put yourself out there. If that feels really challenging for you, a therapist can help. Talking with a pro who can help you develop social tools and a game plan for using them can be huge, especially leading up to and right after a move.
If you want support in building relationships, we’d love to help. If you just moved to Ventura or LA County, you can visit us in person at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana. If you moved elsewhere in California, reach out to one of our offices and ask about virtual therapy.
