The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that one in eight kids struggles with anxiety, and between the ages of 13 and 18, roughly 25% of teens struggle with this mental health challenge. These statistics may raise concern for a lot of parents. Navigating the challenges in anxious kids’ lives can definitely feel challenging.

As a parent, you might feel helpless when you see your child carrying excessive fear or worry. Maybe you notice symptoms like avoiding trying new things, a fear of being separated from you, irritability, or sleep problems. However anxiety manifests in your child, you want to help.

We have some tips that might make a difference. Experts recommend doing the following to help anxious kids.

#1: Talk with them

Some parents worry that talking about a child’s anxiety will validate it and, consequently, give it more power. But if you don’t hold space for your child to share how they’re feeling, that anxiety can grow. Avoiding conversation around your child’s worries models to them that it is better left avoided — the opposite of what we want to reinforce.

When your child seems calm, ask them about how they usually feel. Encourage them to share their worries with you. 

When they do, don’t dismiss them. Instead, tell them that you understand how they feel. If they’re old enough, talk with them about anxiety as a medical condition, including the symptoms it causes. This can help them make better sense of why they feel the way they feel. 

If they struggle to verbalize what they worry about in the moment, you can try creating a worry box. As they feel anxious, have them write down or draw a picture of what’s troubling them, then put it in the box. Once a week, sit down together to sort through those issues. 

#2: Work together to recognize their symptoms

As your child shares how they feel with you, make a mental note. Then, when they feel anxious in the future, you can ask them about those symptoms. If they tell you their heart races and their palms sweat, for example, ask about those things next time they seem to be struggling. As we’ve highlighted on our social media pages, we have to “name it to tame it” (Dan Siegel). 

Helping anxious kids recognize the signs of their anxiety is the first step toward coping with those symptoms. Plus, in many cases, acknowledging that those things are happening because of anxiety lessens their power over the person. 

As a parent, it’s tempting to want to protect your child from anything that you know triggers their anxiety. But that actually doesn’t help — and can make matters worse. Staying with them through anxious moments and identifying how it affects them can help both you and them navigate their anxiety. When we begin to identify the symptoms, we help our brain activate the prefrontal cortex, which notifies the body to relax and become more rational. 

#3: Practice relaxation techniques together

You can help your child by validating their anxious feelings, then working together to cope with them. Try different tools to find what works for your child, like: 

• Breathing exercises
• Going for a walk
• Using a fidget toy
• Journaling
• Listening to their favorite song or reading a book they love
• Drawing or painting
• Doing a puzzle

It can also be helpful to work with anxious kids on their self-talk. For example, if they say, “I can’t do this because it scares me,” you can encourage them to say, “I can try this one time.”  

Once you find what works for your child, you can use it as you help them face their fears. If they’re scared about an upcoming sleepover, for example, you might do some breathing exercises at home, then listen to music they love on the way. You can tell them that it’s okay to be nervous, and that the other kids might be feeling nervous, too. Along the way, encourage them to try this new experience and praise them for giving it a shot. 

These three tips are just a starting point. If you want support in parenting an anxious child, contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana. With therapy for you, we can help you develop techniques to support your child. We also offer therapy for anxious kids to help them make sense of and cope with their feelings. For help for both of you, get in touch today.