In a world where flawless achievements are often celebrated, perfectionism can quickly become the norm. To some, perfectionism might seem like a good thing. And sure, it comes with its perks in the sense that it pushes us to “do our best” and get a lot done.

But living with perfectionism can warp how you see yourself and the world around you. It can mean never feeling like you’re measuring up and always feeling like you need forward momentum to validate yourself. Perfectionism goes hand-in-hand with being self-critical because, at the end of the day, perfectionism is born from our own unaddressed feelings of shame. And shame is the feeling that tells us we are not good enough.

Are you living with this mindset and its negative effects? You’re in the right place to find out. 

Signs you might live with perfectionism

With perfectionism, life often feels performance-based. People dealing with perfectionism often experience symptoms like:

For example, you might see a test on which you got a low A as a failure because you got a couple of questions wrong. Or you might think of an experience as a failure because it didn’t turn out the way you wanted, rather than celebrating the learning or growth you did along the way. 

What you can do to navigate perfectionism

To a large extent, getting a handle on perfectionism means getting a clearer view of your self-talk and the reality around you. Start listening to the way you talk to yourself. Would you say these things to a friend, or even a coworker or peer? If you notice that you’re overly harsh, work to counter those negative thoughts. Our blogs on positive thinking and building self-esteem can help here. 

Also, work to find environments where you feel accepted as you are, not because of something you’ve done or will do. Lean into relationships with people who encourage positive self-talk and discourage comparing yourself to others. When thinking about perfectionism, it’s important to consider the underlying feelings we may be navigating. Ultimately, perfectionism may be how we are coping.

You don’t have to figure any of this out on your own. If you think you might be living with perfectionism, talk to one of our therapists. We can help you develop tools and new ways of thinking to lead a healthier life with more enjoyment and less pressure. To get started, contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.