Some people are well aware of the inner voice running in their heads all day. Others mostly ignore it — but that doesn’t mean it isn’t communicating. This internal monologue can shape your reactions and experiences. That’s why it’s so important to be aware of your self-talk.
Self-talk is exactly what it sounds like. It’s the things you say to yourself.
But that talk isn’t as easy to control as it might seem. You’d think that because you’re the one doing the “talking,” it’s pretty simple to keep a handle on your inner voice. By the following adage proves otherwise: “You’re your own harshest critic.”
Understanding your internal monologue
Self-talk isn’t just the thoughts you’re aware of. It also incorporates your unconscious thinking to shape how you feel.
Ultimately, the self-talk that runs in your head all day plays a huge role in your life — bigger even than the people who surround you or the job you spend a lot of your time doing. You’re never without your self-talk, so it’s important to understand and harness this inner voice.
The thing is: self-talk can be extremely helpful or extremely harmful. Say you get presented with a new project at work or school. Your inner voice could say, “You’ve got this. What a cool opportunity! You’ll learn so much and you’ll do a great job.”
But it could also say, “There’s no way you can pull this off. You’re such a failure. Everyone will watch you make a fool of yourself.”
Before you’ve taken even one step on the project, you’ve set yourself up for success or failure. All because of your self-talk.
Listening to your self-talk
The first step in getting a handle on your self-talk is to hear it.
Plenty of people go through the day with their inner voice constantly running, but never really acknowledging it.
Try to get in the habit of listening to the voice in your head. Reminders, like an alert on your phone or a sticky note on your desk, can help you check in. As you build the skill of hearing your self-talk, you’ll be better able to control it.
Rules for positive self-talk
Take a step back
If you hear self-talk that feels harmful to you, pause for a beat. Think about the statement you just said in your head. Were you overreacting? Were you assuming the worst? Because there’s no one to counter your inner voice, it’s easy to take it to the extreme.
To balance this, try to pause and think about the statements you hear in your head. Instead of letting them control your next actions, critically examining them in this way can help you toss out self-talk that doesn’t make sense or doesn’t serve you.
You can also try adjusting the language in your self-talk. Instead of “I” and “me,” insert your name or third-person language. You might be shocked how harsh and overreactive some of your thoughts feel once you distance yourself from them in this way.
Don’t say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a friend
This is simple.
You have to spend all day with yourself. You might as well treat yourself well.
Practice it
If you’re in a habit of negative self-talk, turning the tables will take some work. But don’t worry. Practice helps.
Each time you notice negative thoughts, try to combat them with positive self-talk. Instead of: “I can’t do this.” Think: “I have an opportunity to try something new and learn from it.”
It might feel cheesy and forced at first. But keep at it. Over time, you can transform your inner voice into your own cheerleader.
For more information about positive self-talk, we recommend this Healthline article.
For help identifying your self-talk and creating an inner dialogue that supports your best life, we’re here. Our caring counselors can help you break harmful thought patterns and establish a healthier inner voice. Contact us to make a telehealth appointment today!
