Last week, we talked about how shadow work can help you acknowledge the parts of yourself that you might try to tamp down. In doing so, this kind of therapy helps you become a more whole person with greater self-acceptance.
Shadow work exercises give you a way to get to know all aspects of yourself better, helping you better understand why you react the way you do. They can be a tool for healing trauma and breaking cycles of shame and guilt.
If you’re curious about this type of therapy, start with our guide to shadow work. Then, you can explore these shadow work exercises.
Note that this is hard work. Getting a therapist to come alongside you can help you build safety and self-care into these suggested shadow work exercises. Please know, you may experience strong emotional reactions to memories that you are still developing healthy coping skills for.
#1: Record strong thoughts or emotions
Shadow work exercises invite us to engage with the emotions we most often try to ignore or hide. So simply starting to acknowledge those emotions is a good beginning point. Start first by using the mindfulness based approach called “noting.” When you experience a sensation in the body or hear your inner narrative, simply “note” it by saying to yourself “that’s a feeling” or “that’s a thought.” Once you feel comfortable, move to the next phase.
Next, keep a note in your phone with a bulleted list. Anytime you feel a strong emotion or have an intense thought, write it in the note with a little explanation of what triggered it.
Some signs to look for that you’re feeling something strongly include:
- A racing heart
- A feeling in your stomach
- Sweating
- Tightness in your chest
If you have a journaling practice, make it a point to revisit this note when you sit down to journal. Reflecting on what makes you feel strongly helps you get to know all sides of yourself better.
#2: Reflect when you ignore your needs
With shadow work exercises, you get the opportunity to call up the parts of yourself that live in the shadows. You might push down feelings of fear or jealousy, or you might push past fatigue because you feel pressure to please others or perform a certain way.
When you notice yourself ignoring what you’re feeling or what you want, try to pause. Give yourself at least a few minutes to think about what you genuinely feel. Try to imagine how you would behave if there was no outside pressure on you.
A lot of us try to minimize emotions or actions because of societal pressure. Men are often taught that they shouldn’t behave in any ways that would make them appear weak, for example, so they might push away things that make them feel vulnerable.
By taking some time to pause and reflect when you ignore what your mind and body are telling you that you need or want, you get a chance to start breaking that cycle.
#3: Look for the good in your shadow parts
This one can be emotionally difficult, but it can also help you see yourself in a better light while embracing yourself as a whole person.
Start by making a list of your worst traits. Don’t go on and on. Just jot down a few things that you feel negatively about or often wish you could change. Tap into what that inner critic is feeding you.
Now, look for the good in each of them. What about that trait has helped you?
If you’re finding it hard to acknowledge — let alone embrace — your shadow parts, it can be helpful to use a 3-2-1 exercise. Start by talking to yourself about your shadow parts in third person. For example, “That person feels jealous because she was taught that she needs to always be the best. But her jealousy has driven her to a successful career that she enjoys, and she can harness that for future motivation.”
Then, once that feels comfortable, move to second person. “You feel angry because your boundary was violated and you have a history of people not respecting your needs. Your anger is a protective measure that has proved valuable throughout your life.”
Finally, you can move into first person. “I’m selfish because the reality is that no one cares about my wellbeing as much as I do. I deserve to be selfish when it makes my life better because I’m living in my own experience every second of the day and I should do what I can to make my life good.”
Shadow work can be heavy and difficult. If you aren’t feeling safe as you explore the shadow parts of yourself, it’s time to get a therapist involved. A therapist can really work with you to understand how to move and live past the shadow parts. Contact us at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana so one of our therapists can help you as you journey to get to know yourself better — and to embrace your whole self.
