When someone you love experiences loss, your first thought is usually about how you help them. But a lot of us get stuck there. It can be hard to know what to say or do to support a grieving friend.
Push past your hesitancy. Your friend needs you now more than ever. And we have a few suggestions to take action that will be supportive for your friend as they cope with their loss.
#1: Listen
The best way to support a grieving friend is to find out what they really need during this difficult time. And the best way to find that out is to listen.
In fact, in some cases, a listening ear is the thing that will best support your friend. Listening as they share memories or talk about how they’re feeling holds space when they need it most.
That said, when people are grieving, they may have a hard time opening up about their experience. Take time with your friend. Be ready to sit in silence or to give them a literal shoulder to cry on. They’ll talk when they’re ready.
As you’re with them — whether your friend is quiet or they’re sharing a lot — be careful with your words. Less is often more when you want to support a grieving friend. Your sympathetic or empathetic ear probably means a lot more than any advice you could offer right now. When you do speak, prioritize words that are comforting and avoid cliches or telling your friend what to do or how to feel.
Oftentimes, it’s helpful to reflect your friends’ words about their grieving experience back to them using other words. Grief is hard and it tends to bring comfort to those who are experiencing it to know that their feelings are completely valid.
#2: Reach out — over and over
It can feel awkward to contact someone when they’re coping with a loss. You might think that they want time alone to heal, or you might worry that whatever you say will trigger a new wave of hurt for them. But if you really want to support a grieving friend, being present in their life is key.
A simple text to check in on them opens up the line of communication. To provide the best support, don’t make this a one-off. Keep touching base with the person. Doing so reminds them that someone cares about them enough to stay involved when life is hard.
#3: Find practical ways to help
It’s fairly common for grieving people to not know what would help them, especially in the early days after their loss. If your friend doesn’t have any particular requests, look for practical ways to make daily living easier for them. Providing meals is a great place to start. You might also help them tidy up around the house or doing laundry.
Making funeral arrangements can be particularly daunting and painful. You can offer to support a grieving friend in that planning. Taking calls, figuring out the flowers, or sending out the invitation to any memorial service can lift a huge weight off your friend.
Ultimately, when you see tasks that you can take on, run with them.
If your friend shares that they might want some support in managing their grief, you can also help by connecting them to a therapist. Our team is here at the Ventura Counseling & Wellness Center in Ventura or the West Valley Counseling Center in Tarzana.
