Change is hard. You’ve probably said it yourself, and you’ve almost definitely experienced it. As human beings, we’re adaptable — but that adaptation isn’t always easy. Whether it’s a changing relationship, a new job, a big move, or something else altering your life, you’re not alone if you’re struggling. What is it, exactly, that makes change difficult?
As it turns out, there are quite a few factors in play. Here are a few aspects to explore if you’re struggling with a change in your life.
We fear the unknown
The known feels comfortable. The brain and body feel the safest in predictability. This is why we gravitate towards routines and habits. Whether it’s the same job, home, or relationship you’ve always had, you gain ease from knowing what to expect. Your brain doesn’t have to work as hard trying to figure out where to go or what to do.
New environments, relationships, or undertakings, on the other hand, put us to the test. As a result, we fear the unknown. That’s part of what makes change difficult: simply not being able to predict what will happen in this new situation.
This gets doubly true if the change requires something of you, like a new job. Most of us don’t like feeling incompetent, and change can require us to learn a whole new set of skills. Until we do, we might feel like we’re bumbling around — and this challenges our sense of self, which can be anxiety-producing for many.
Knowing all of this doesn’t necessarily make change easier, but one thing can: knowing time will help. The more time you spend with this change, the more the unknown will become known. And that will directly ease that fear you might be feeling. Just take a moment to reflect on all the ways you’ve proven this to be true in the past.
We bite off more than we can chew
Sometimes, change is forced upon us. In other situations, we choose it ourselves. (How are those New Year’s resolutions going?)
You might think that when we opt into the modification, it gets easier. But part of what makes change difficult is the human tendency to go big. We don’t say, “I want to sign up for one Spanish lesson,” or, “I want to learn ten new Spanish vocabulary words this week.” We say, “I’m learning Spanish!”
The issue lies in the gap between where you are now and where you want to be post-change. Usually, it’s not a straight line between the two points. You’ll likely come up against roadblocks.
To help yourself manage change you choose, break it into bite-sized pieces. Think about what’s realistic for you based on your past behavior. Then, figure out how many of those small steps you need to string together to achieve the change you want. Long story short, make a realistic, manageable plan. This will help make the difficult process of change a bit more achievable.
We think it’s all or nothing
This applies to both types of change. Whether we chose it or not, we have a tendency to think that change has to look a certain way.
Take a new job for example. You might feel like you need to be popular among your peers and competent at the work from the get-go. But that, of course, makes change difficult. You think you need to accomplish some major goal right away.
Actually, though, you don’t. Change often happens slowly over time and is not always linear. You might make one friend at work in your first couple of weeks. You’ll likely pick up new skills over those early months.
Change isn’t all or nothing. There’s no finish line you need to reach. Give yourself the grace to let change happen on its natural timeline.
Adjusting takes time
Change takes its time — and so does getting used to it. At first, things often feel jarring and confusing. But as you spend time with the change, you learn how to navigate it. You learn the quirks and benefits of your new home. You explore what life looks like with a different relationship with that person. You learn the best way to navigate conversations with your new boss. And also, you learn to adopt a new version of yourself. Usually, it all gets easier. Change is scary, but it can also be really liberating.
A big part of what makes change difficult is the fact that time is the best cure for the anxiousness you’re feeling. That doesn’t mean you have to just sit and wait, though, especially if you’re feeling really challenged.
We offer therapy to give you tools to help you adjust to and navigate the change in your life. We also offer holistic couples’ therapy if you and your partner are struggling with a change together. To learn more about how we can help you manage change, get in touch.
